


Family Traditions

by evakuality



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Druck Advent Calendar, Festivities, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, M/M, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21865078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: Sometimes the festive season can be difficult, as Matteo finds out.  And sometimes, even the most well meaning of fixits from our friends don't quite go to plan.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	Family Traditions

Ornaments sparkle on the tree that has been set up in one corner of the living room, and David’s eyes drift back towards it almost involuntarily. By the way everyone is talking about his previous attempts, Hans has outdone himself this year with as much glitter and tinsel as he could find shoved on and around the tree. It should be hideous but it’s not. It glitters in the soft light and warm glow from the wreath Hans has also created out of objects he’d found lying around the flat. Two of the candles are lit, casting flickering shadows over everyone, but softening their faces into something magical. There’s something really beautiful about the way people look in quiet candle light.

And that may be what keeps drawing David’s attention. Matteo, in one of his many warm sweaters, sleeves pushed up to his elbows and his hair golden in the light from the wreath sitting on the table nearby. He’s standing next to the tree, his gaze unfixed and one finger delicately reaching out to touch one gleaming red bauble with the words  _ buon natale _ written across it in golden, glittered letters. David knows it’s one that Matteo has brought with him, something that had been with him since childhood. His face is shuttered, but there’s a tilt to his mouth, and a shadow in his eyes, that makes David wonder how happy he is to see it.

“David! Hey, bro!” 

David’s attention is called to Jonas. His voice is hissing at him from around a doorway in the WG. While the lighting of candles is usually a quieter, more intimate thing, Hans has organised all the flat’s friends to come along today. So it’s become a party, with drink flowing freely and people littering the room and chattering eagerly in any corner they can get. Guiltily, David realises he’s been staring at Matteo most of the evening and neglecting everyone else. 

The party is in full swing, and David is the first to admit he’s a little enamoured of his boyfriend at times like this, and that he probably does need to mingle a little more tonight. He’s about to open his mouth to tell Jonas that he  _ knows _ he needs to mix with others more, when he sees the urgency on Jonas’s face and the anxious way his eyes flicker towards the tree where Matteo is still hovering while he gestures a quick ‘come here’ motion.

Puzzled, David nevertheless pushes himself away from the wall he’s leaning on and makes his way over to the door Jonas has just disappeared around again.

“What’s up?” he asks quietly once he reaches Jonas.

‘Nah, come in here,” Jonas says, clasping his arm and pulling him into the kitchen as far away from the noise of the party as they can get. He makes shushing noises with his hands when David asks what the fuck is going on, and then when David falls silent he listens carefully, nodding to himself apparently to be satisfied that no-one is close and then turning to David. He’s being so mysterious that David is sure something bad must be happening and his heart clenches.

The way Jonas looks him over, opening his mouth and then closing it as if he’s not sure what to say, makes it all worse. What the fuck is wrong? The way Jonas had looked at Matteo before pulling David in here makes him worry that something’s wrong with him. Or with  _ them. _ The mere thought makes his stomach twist in pain; if there’s one thing David’s not good at it’s seeing Matteo in pain, it would be a thousand times worse if he was somehow responsible for that pain.

“I just wanted to ask you if Luigi is doing okay,” Jonas says eventually, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as if he’s anxious about something.

Relieved that it’s not him somehow the problem, David squints at Jonas. Even more puzzled now, and worried now about Matteo, David shakes his head. “What? Why would you think there’s something wrong?” At Jonas’s downcast expression, David recenters himself and clarifies with a shrug. “I mean, yeah he’s okay. Considering the time of year and everything.”

Jonas nods sagely. “Yeah, exactly. The time of year.” He looks over at David carefully. “You notice how he’s not … I don’t know, not as happy as he has been lately? Not like he usually has been since he met you.”

“Mmmm,” David agrees. Because it’s true. Matteo hasn’t been his usual cheeky shithead self the last few weeks, pretty much since December came and with it all the buzz and festivity of the season. Or not as often as usual; it hasn’t been frequent enough to cause genuine concern, but noticeable enough that David had broached it once a week ago, when they were all wandering around a Christmas market, warmed wine in their hands and laughter on their faces. 

Matteo had been lagging behind a little, looking at everything with sad eyes and his smiles when they came were smaller than usual and more strained. When David had asked Matteo what was up, he’d mumbled something about his parents and how they used to come to places like this. Then he’d laughed, loud and insincere, kicked out at David, shoved a handful of snow down Abdi’s back. The rest of the evening he’d seemed more like his usual self and so David had let it be.

Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe he should have pressed a little more, tried to figure out what it was that had made him look so quiet and sad for those few moments before he covered it with the too-bright, too-loud laughter and silly pranks.

“Do you think we should maybe do something?” David asks now, leaning in closer, finally understanding why Jonas was trying to be so conspiratorial earlier. He doesn’t want Matteo know they’re talking about him, and Jonas definitely seems to feel the same way, but there  _ does _ seem to be something going on and David agrees they should try to work out what it is.

There can be something melancholy about this time of year when things aren’t quite as they always have been and you wish they were or that you could stop caring that they aren’t. And it really hasn’t been all that long since Matteo’s father went back to Italy and he’d lost some part of his old family life. David understands, better than many, how strange it can be to try to move on during festive times like these when all you want is for things to stay as they always have.

Jonas shrugs. “Maybe?” he says. “I don’t know what though. Anything we try to do could just make it worse.”

David grimaces, acknowledging the truth. It’s been clear in the way Matteo has deflected any discussion about it that he’s not too keen to make it a thing. If they try to make it into something that’s a big deal it  _ could _ just make everything worse.

“Let me think about it for a while,” he says now. “I can investigate and see if I can figure out something that might work.”

The relief that floods Jonas’s face is overwhelming and he claps David on the back forcefully. “You’re a bro,” he says. “We only have two Sundays until Christmas, though, so we’d better think fast.”

Over the next few days, David does observe Matteo. And one thing becomes painfully clear: the mumbled, slightly embarrassed comments about his parents at the market are tied inevitably into whatever is going on with Matteo. More specifically, his feelings about his father. His eyes go more misty when he recalls moments with his dad, he focuses on Italian things more, speaks more words of it when he isn’t thinking, and his body slumps more whenever full family traditions are brought up. 

It’s clear that Matteo is missing the life he used to have before his father left. Frustratingly, though, David has no idea how to get him to talk about it properly. Matteo’s never been one to go well with being pushed into talking, and David knows he’s more likely to get somewhere if he lets him get to it in his own time. But it’s hard watching this boy struggle with something and not be able to do anything about it.

They’re sitting in the kitchen one day, hands wrapped around some kinderpunsch Hans whipped up ‘so we won’t be useless tomorrow morning’ when Matteo finally decides to open up. His hands are gripping the mug hard and his eyes are fixed on the liquid swirling around inside. It’s obvious Matteo’s not really with David in the moment, no matter how much he tries to distract him with jokes. Eventually, David falls silent and lets the peace settle between them. His feet are tangled in Matteo’s under the table, a welcome and familiar comfort when everything else is chaotic.

“I hate this,” Matteo says quietly, finally looking up at David. The icy wash of hurt panic that blooms in David’s chest must show on his face because Matteo’s eyes widen a little and he shakes his head quickly. “These traditions, I mean,” he clarifies. He bites his lip and shrugs. “It’s all stuff I did with … with Dad. And my mum, but she’s still around at least.”

“I get that,” David says softly, reaching out to touch Matteo. It’s a small brush of fingers on the back of his hand, but Matteo smiles when he feels it anyway and his eyes close briefly. His breath rushes out and his fingers tighten for a moment on the mug before he loosens them and looks back at David. The feeling in his eyes is difficult to see, and David wishes he could do more to help than just listening.

“This is the worst,” Matteo says, indicating with his head at the warmed drink in his hands. “We always made this together, Dad and me. It was our thing.”

He goes back to staring at the mug as if he can conjure his father just by sheer force of will. David sucks in a breath. There’s not much he can do to help with this, except be there for Matteo as best he can. David’s fingers slip around so he can take Matteo’s hand in his own. He squeezes. Matteo looks up and David smiles.

“I’m sorry,” he says. It’s entirely inadequate, but it’s the best he can do. The usual platitudes don’t seem like they’d fit here.  _ It will get better. You have people who love you. Who needs him anyway. _ They all seem dismissive, as if they don’t allow Matteo the validity of his feelings. But a simple  _ I’m sorry _ doesn’t seem like much either. Still, Matteo squeezes back, smiles and the hurt look on his face fades into something fond. It’s still not the cheekiness David has become so used to, but it’s better.

_ How’s the investigating going? _

The text comes abruptly later that evening and David has to laugh. Apparently this has been weighing on Jonas’s mind as much as it has on David’s, then. He considers sending something facetious back, but he looks at the words again, remembers the way Matteo’s face had looked as he stared at his mug of kinderpunsch and can’t bring himself to make a joke of it.

_ I think I know what’s wrong, _ he sends instead.

Jonas is apparently feeling the same way about not making jokes, because his response is just a quick plea to immediately meet with David and the boys to figure out what they can do to help. It warms David to know that these guys have so much care in them for their friend. He shouldn’t be so surprised, he guesses. Matteo has told him how eager they were to help  _ him _ back when that video had circulated and he was facing being graded in a way he didn’t want. It’s still something else to see it in action, and realise that yeah this group of guys is one which looks after each other. It still makes him emotional to know that he’s part of this now, that he’s been drawn in as much as Matteo has.

They decide to gather at Abdi’s home, figuring that it’s the one that Matteo is least likely to just show up at. He’s out doing something with his mother, involving the church and some of their activities. Matteo had looked marginally happier when he told David about it, and so some of the pain that’s sat around David’s chest after their discussion has lessened. Even knowing Matteo is doing something he’s enjoying with his mother and so shouldn’t hurry back, there’s still the chance that he could finish early and catch them discussing this. It’s not even that David thinks they’re doing something wrong, but he’s not sure Matteo would appreciate all the attention. He’s still obviously trying to deal with it by himself.

“Bro,” Abdi says as he welcomes David inside less than an hour later. “We’re all waiting for you.”

David laughs, charmed by their eagerness, and follows Abdi through into his bedroom. The others are both lounging on the bed so David slumps down by a wall and looks over at them. Abdi has perched on the edge of the only chair in the room, and their eyes are all fixed on David as if he holds all the answers to everything. In a way, he guesses he does. So he sighs, scrubs his hands over his face to avoid having to formulate the words for another moment or two. Eventually though, he smiles. It’s a small one and he knows he must look exhausted. He feels exhausted, and some selfish part of him hopes that this works because he doesn’t want to watch Matteo being sad anymore.

“It’s his dad,” he says eventually. “He’s missing what they usually do at this time of year.”

“Ohhhh,” Carlos says, hitting himself in the head. “Of course that’s it.”

“But wasn’t he okay last year?” Abdi sounds genuinely confused.

“I’m not sure it had quite sunk in yet then,” Carlos says, knocking his shoulder into Abdi’s. “You know? It was only a few months then. Or maybe he was making a bit more of a front? He was good at that for a while.” 

He shrugs, and Abdi looks at him as if he’s making no sense, but David thinks he gets it. He knows from hearing about it from Matteo, and sometimes from other people, that he hadn’t really coped well with his father leaving. So the idea that he’d tried to cover for it somehow makes a lot of sense. 

He’s been there himself, thinking that if he ignores something maybe it will stop hurting so much or maybe it will go away eventually. It never works, and he’s had to face that often enough, but it’s not a stretch to think that Matteo could have hoped that by managing not to care that he could push away so much of that stuff and worry about it another day. Maybe he even managed to convince himself; that’s always a good one, David thinks.

“Maybe he thought he didn’t care,” Jonas says quietly, echoing David’s thought process. “Maybe he even  _ didn’t _ care then. It’s not really important, though. What’s important is that he cares now.”

“Yeah,” David agrees, coming back to the current day. “I’m not sure what we can do to help though. It’s not like we can bring his dad back from Italy.”

Out of the side of his eye, David can see Carlos snap to attention and turn towards Abdi whose face is starting to spread into a wide grin. “Dude!” Abdi says excitedly, “you know what we can do?”

“Something Italian!” the two of them chant together, then high five as they congratulate themselves on the perfect synchronisation. 

“What do you mean something Italian?” Jonas asks. “Like food or something.”

“Noooo,” Abdi says, leaning forward and grinning. “Like some of his traditions from there or something. He’s not going to Italy this time so we bring Italy here.”

He looks so excited, and David can’t help but get caught up in the excitement. It might even work, proving to Matteo that they could be some sort of family to him even if his own was scattered away from him.

“Okay, then what should we do?” he asks. He has no idea what Matteo’s Italian traditions might be, which seems like something of an oversight now. He comforts himself with a reminder that they only met in March so he’s never had to experience a festive season with Matteo yet. He couldn’t be expected to know any of this stuff.

Abdi has already grabbed his laptop and is busy searching for ‘Italian traditions’ with the other two leaning over his shoulder and pointing out various websites that look promising. David watches them for a few moments, sitting back and watching them in action. It’s nice, basking again in the way they care so much for one of their own. It’s something David’s not really experienced before, not at his old school, and it still hits him when he sees it. 

He can feel the soppy smile on his face as he looks. Then Jonas looks up and beckons to him. “You need to help with this, David,” he insists. “You’re the one he talked to about it.”

Usually David worries that he’s taken over somehow, barged in where he’s not wanted, when Jonas reminds him that Matteo turns to him more often now. But he can tell that’s not what Jonas is doing; he just wants the best for his friend and David smiles as he pushes up and makes his way over.

Matteo is surprised, alright. But it’s not exactly how any of them had imagined it. They’d found the perfect idea, or Abdi had. A ceppo. A handmade wooden tree which was decorated fairly easily, at least in the case of the simpler of the ones they’d seen. The site they’d found had several pictures and they looked so cheerful that everyone was sure it was the perfect thing for Matteo. Very Italian, the site had gushed. Everyone does them, it had proclaimed eagerly. Surely something so common in Italy, and such a cheerful something too, must help to pull him out of his father-induced funk and show him how much everyone really cared for him.

By the Sunday of the third candle lighting, they had constructed one. Sure, it was a little wonky in shape, leaning somewhat to the right, and their carpentry skills weren’t great so some parts wobbled a little. But it looked reasonably similar to the ones in the pictures and the thought must count, right? The coloured paper they’d pasted on looked bright and festive, and the small objects they’d found to sit along the ‘branches’ were all things that Matteo enjoyed, at least according to Jonas. 

It’s just Hans, Linn, Jonas, Carlos, Abdi, David and matteo today. They’d decided that maybe a smaller, more intimate moment might make Matteo feel better and so there’s no big swirl of people this time. They’re so eager to show off their handiwork that they all fall together into Matteo’s room, laughing and tripping over each other and startling Matteo who has been on his computer on his bed. He looks relaxed enough, David thinks as he looks him over carefully. He’s still quiet and thoughtful, but that’s something Matteo often does anyway. 

“Come on, bro,” Carlos is yelling, tugging on Matteo’s arm to drag him off the bed. “Get your ass out of here and enjoy the festivities.”

Matteo, for his part, looks exhausted when he sees him closer up. His usual comfortable demeanour seems to be slipping and there are dark smudges under his eyes that suggest some long nights without sleep. Abdi tugs on his other arm and between him and Carlo they get him off the bed. He allows himself to be drawn out to the main room with good humour, but his heart is clearly not in it. Enjoying festivities seems to be the last thing on his mind.

David hopes Matteo’s obvious apathy is knocked back somewhat by the revelation of their surprise. Hans is in the middle of the room with the candles ready to light and a twinkle in his eyes. It’s so obvious that he enjoys this part of the week, the ceremony that comes with the candle lighting in whatever unconventional form that might take, that David can’t help the upswell of affection for him. There’s something endearing about someone who’s as unapologetically enthusiastic as Hans is.

They get the candles lit, Hans brandishing the lighter as if he’s conducting a mass, before Abdi and Carlos shuffle out and into Hans’s room to get the ceppo. They take a long time, and David can hear muffled curses and hissing coming from that direction as they wrestle with the admittedly awkwardly-shaped ceppo. Matteo looks like he’s about to escape back to his room now that the candles are on and he’s made the obligatory toast Hans insists on, but David grabs his hand and leans in close.

“Stay for a bit?” he asks. “We have a little surprise.”

“A surprise?” Matteo asks, and David is gratified to see that his interest has been piqued. His eyes light up slightly and his head tilts while a small grin creeps onto the corners of his mouth. David grins and nods towards the boys entering with the ceppo. They watch as they wobble their way over to Hans and carefully place it on the table next to the wreath.

Matteo stares at it for a long time before his eyes snap up to David. “What the fuck is that?” he asks, and the harsh tone in his voice shocks David. However he’d expected Matteo to act, this anger was never one of the options.

“It’s a… ceppo,” David says, tongue slipping awkwardly over the syllables. He’s grateful that he has pronunciation to distract him because it means he can take a moment to adjust to this Matteo who isn’t following the scripts they’d all written for him in their heads as they created it.

“I know,” Matteo says, turning his back on it. “I’m not stupid. What is it doing here?”

“We… uh, we thought you might like something Italian,” Jonas explains. “You know, since you can’t be there.”

Matteo’s face has crumpled, and his voice is wavering when he speaks again. It breaks something in David to hear it. “Thanks for reminding me how shit my life is,” he manages to get out. 

Then he’s gone, a swift retreat back into his bedroom. David is almost certain he hears a small sob as Matteo shuts the door behind him, but the rest of them are too shocked to go after him. 

“I’ll … uh. I guess I’ll go and see what that was about,” David says eventually as he looks around at the others who are all standing and gaping at the door as if rooted to the spot.

He’s reluctant to approach Matteo when he’s so very obviously fragile, but he also knows he can’t leave him in this state. Something went wrong and unless they can work out what that was they can’t fix it. David knocks lightly on the door and calls out to Matteo. There’s a weak affirmation from within, so David pushes the door open and slips into the room.

Matteo is lying on the bed with his arms wrapped around a pillow. His eyes are red rimmed and his mouth is set in a line that David instantly recognises as his trying-not-to-cry expression. His own face falls, the pain of having helped do this to Matteo making it all worse. He moves to the bed and sits down, holding his arms out.

It takes a moment before Matteo lets himself sink into the embrace and wrap his own arms around David.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” David asks carefully after a few moments of silence in which Matteo’s breathing starts to slow down and his body becomes less tense.

“Not really,” Matteo mumbles into his shoulder.

“Okay,” David says, keeping as quiet as he can. “I’m sorry we fucked up.”

“No,” Matteo breathes into his shoulder again. “I know you were trying to help. It’s just… it’s too much like mocking me with what I don’t have. Italy and my dad. It’s me… I’m the problem.”

“No, you’re not. We should have thought it through more carefully. I really should have know, after what you said about the kinderpunsch. We just got a bit overexcited about trying to help.”

Matteo laughs, and that’s something. That even after they made such a mistake with their misplaced attempt to fix Matteo’s festive issues he can laugh makes David hopeful. Maybe they can find another way, a better way. One thing’s for sure, though. They need to make sure whatever they do is done with a little more thought and a lot more care. 

So he pulls Matteo closer into his body and slides so they’re lying together in the bed. This is what’s important, being there for each other. As they fall into a quiet, peaceful silence, David wonders if he can do something with  _ that _ thought.

It’s the last Sunday of advent and they’re all gathered in the WG for another of Hans’s not-parties. It’s all looking very similar to the way it did when Jonas first expressed his concern for Matteo. Hans has the lights dimmed even though the candles haven’t been lit yet, and the golden tinsel on the tree and gleam of other ornaments catch the lowered light just enough to cast a warm, sparkling glow over everything. 

One thing that’s different, however, is that Matteo isn’t even out in the room with everyone. He’d swallowed, taken one look at everything all set up and the four candles to be lit on the wreath, and retreated into his bedroom. After the debacle last week David’s not exactly surprised, but that’s not exactly promising, he thinks as his eyes drift towards the direction Matteo’d gone. The room remains stubbornly empty of any blond heads. 

He hopes Matteo will come out again sometime of his own accord. If not, David’s resigned to having to go in there and convince him to join the rest of them, but he’d rather not. He’s not so keen on coercion, preferring that everyone gets to make their own choices in life. But today it’s  _ important _ that Matteo be out here so he’ll do it if he has to.

He looks around the room. In one other way it’s different to that earlier not-party: there are far fewer people here tonight. Everyone here today is someone who knows and loves Matteo, and each other for the most part. David swallows, hopes this time it will go okay. He still remembers the way Matteo’s face had crumpled when he’d looked at the ceppo they’d put together. That had fallen so far from expectations that David can’t help but worry about  _ this. _ His hands are trembling a little as he thinks about everything they could have got wrong. But he thinks (or maybe hopes) that this time it’s going to be okay. This time, after all, they put a bit more thought into the reasons why Matteo felt the way he did. This time they tried to make it something that was designed for Matteo as he is now, not as they thought he’d be.

There’s a slight kerfuffle at the door which drags David’s attention away from the potential problems, and he smiles in relief when he sees who it is. Matteo’s mother has arrived and is smiling cheerfully, if a little bemusedly, at Hans as he dives in for a hug. She was the final piece of the puzzle they’ve been so carefully working on.

David makes his way over to where she’s standing, looking around as if searching for someone. For Matteo. She lights up when she spots David, though, and she gives a small wave. He grins and nods back at her.

“I’m glad you could come,” he says when he reaches her. She gives another of her sweet smiles and pulls him in for one of her warm hugs. 

“For this, I’ll always come.” 

David can hear the truth in her voice; when it comes to Matteo she really will make an extra effort. He knows it hasn’t been easy for her, knows how much effort things outside her now-comfortable routine cost her, so he’s grateful that she cares this much. Hopefully, between them all they can prove something to Matteo.

He’s almost given up on Matteo coming out on his own, and is about to make his way to the bedroom to knock on his door, when he notices a movement out of the corner of his eye and looks over in time to see Matteo slipping around a corner to hug a wall near the tree. David breathes a sigh of relief. It’s all ready then. He glances over towards Jonas to make sure he’s noticed as well, and when he gets a surreptitious thumbs up, David makes his way over to where Matteo is hovering.

“Hey,” he says quietly once he’s leaned up next to him on the wall. 

Matteo looks sideways at him, and to David’s relief there’s a tiny but sincere smile flickering around his mouth.

“Hans and his new party tradition for advent, huh?” Matteo says, nodding over to where Hans is moving from person to person bearing a large jug which David knows is filled with something strong and alcoholic. He could smell it from a moderate distance away and shook his head when Hans had offered it to him. He wants his wits about him, at least until they get through the important part of this meeting.

“Well,” David says, smiling back, “sometimes it’s better to fit your traditions to the people you’re with rather than sticking with what’s always been done. And drinking and parties kind of sum us all up, don’t you think?”

“Mmmm,” Matteo says, and while there’s still a slight tinge of melancholy when he hears the words (and is clearly thinking about his family’s old traditions) he’s much more relaxed than he had been in any of their earlier conversations. “I guess it is good.”

His eyes are watching Hans as he makes the rounds and David knows exactly the moment when he spots his mother because his eyes grow almost comically wide and his head snaps back towards David before flicking straight back towards her. The only thing that seems to be stopping him from going to her is the suddenness of the shock of seeing her here, as he stays rooted to the spot and gaping in her direction. 

This isn’t quite how they had meant to start this moment off, but David recognises a need to go with the circumstances they find themselves in. So he clears his throat and waves behind Matteo’s back to get Jonas’s attention. Once Jonas has taken the hint, David makes sure to nod in Matteo’s direction. Jonas catches on immediately, probably because he too can see exactly where Matteo’s eyes have drifted and who he’s seen. So before Matteo can unfreeze from his surprise, Jonas steps forward into the middle of the room. He does a spin, arms spread wide, and slowly everyone stops chatting and turns to look at him.

Beside David, Matteo stirs and looks like he’s about to go to his mother, but David catches hold of his wrist and Matteo stops, looks back at him and shrugs in a way that indicates he’s going to go see her.

“I think Jonas wants to say something,” David says quietly, leaning in close to Matteo’s ear. “She’ll still be there after whatever he wants.”

Matteo purses his lips but settles back against the wall and smiles an acknowledgement even though his eyes flicker back towards his mother. She’s seen him watching her, and lifts her glass to him, nodding and smiling. Matteo smiles back at her, looking much happier than he had even a few moments earlier. David breathes out, relaxes, then turns so he can focus back on Jonas.

“I want to thank you all for coming here tonight,” Jonas says at the end of his slow, dramatic spin. “I’m sorry to interrupt your advent Sunday like this.”

Around him, people cheer a little and raise their glasses. There’s some good natured ribbing, and Jonas holds his hands up. He beckons to Hans who steps forward as well. “Yes, my little butterflies. You may have noticed some changes to our little traditions this year.” 

Again there’s a general affirming murmur and a series of raised and clinked glasses. “Anyway,” Hans continues as if there hadn’t been any interruptions, “I just wanted to ask everyone to make one more little change on this last Sunday of our wreath.” He smiles around at everyone, beaming wide, with sparkling eyes. “I know this can be a tough time for some of us, for whatever reasons. It can be a missing family member, or one who doesn’t accept us. It could be financial worries or our mental health might take a dive during this time.”

He swallows, looking emotional as if he’s thinking of his own reasons for feeling things a little more at this time of year.

“So Hans and I had a little thought,” Jonas steps in while he settles himself, and catching David’s eyes. David had been expecting this. He doesn’t want his part in this to be played up; it’s important that Matteo know this is about a wider group of people. So he grins, gives one acknowledging tilt of his head and Jonas moves his gaze to someone else. “We’re a family here,” he says holding Kiki’s eyes. “All of us care about each other, and I know that’s really nauseating to some of you.” 

Here he lifts his brow and looks over at Carlos and Abdi, who are making a show of pretending to retch in a corner. He grins when they notice his attention and pull back, flushing. “We are, though, even if that’s a bit … well, a bit Christmas-movie of us.”

“And as a family,” Hans cuts in smoothly, now all beaming smiles again, “we want to start a little tradition of our own. We have this lovely wreath with its one last candle to light.” He waves his hands in the direction of the wreath which sits on the table, with the one pristine candle and the three already-lit ones that have burned down a little each week leading to this one.

Next to David, Matteo is stirring a little. David chances a glance at him and he can tell he’s feeling uncomfortable. His feet are twitching and his fingers twisting in the bottom of his jacket. He reaches out his hand and lets it run along the thumb Matteo has curled into the hem. Matteo looks over at him and gives a tiny smile. He slips his hand out of its tight tangle in his clothing and takes David’s hand. As he looks back to Hans and Jonas, David squeezes it, making Matteo smile at him again.

Hans is still talking and David shakes himself, realising he’s missed some of the speech, but he’s tuned back in at the important moment. “... and so I think we should all say something we appreciate about each other before we light the last candle. Begin a new tradition for our newly found family here.”

“I can start,” Jonas cuts in again. He reaches out and puts a hand on Hans’s shoulder. “Hans, I want to say how much I appreciate that you do all these things for us. You look after everyone so well even though you don’t have to.”

With his eyes glistening, Hans reaches over and hugs Jonas. David can see him whispering something in his ear, and Jonas nodding while he squeezes tighter before releasing him from the hug. 

“Um… David,” Jonas continues, looking over at where he’s standing. “I only met you this year but I appreciate the hell out of all the work you put into your art stuff, and what you did for our Abi and all that.” His voice softens as his eyes flick in Matteo’s direction. “And I also really appreciate how much you care for my best friend.”

Because they’re at such a distance, Jonas just salutes David who feels a lot more emotional than he thought he would. Hearing that comment in that voice affected him more than he’d expected. 

Jonas continues until he’s told everyone something he appreciates. By the time he gets to the last one, the atmosphere in the room has changed. Everyone seems more peaceful, and a soft, warm feeling is flowing. David isn’t one to dwell on the idea that situations can have vibes, and yet he can tell how different it feels now from when they all sat around drinking and talking in smaller groups earlier. He swallows his emotions, feeling everything fragile in him coming close to surface when Jonas turns to Matteo, who’s the last one he addresses.

“Luigi. Bro. I don’t even know how to say how much I appreciate you.” Jonas sounds slightly wobbly as he speaks and holds Matteo’s gaze. “I’ve seen you go through some shit this year and I’ve seen you come out the other side. I guess I just want to say how much I appreciate how brave that’s been.”

This time he makes his way through the group to reach Matteo and drags him into a hug. David can tell Matteo’s finding it hard to deal with his own emotions, burying his head in Jonas’s shoulder before letting out his breath, clearly steeling himself and stepping back. His eyes are also suspiciously wet when he looks over at David, but he’s smiling and relaxed properly for the first time David can remember at one of these festive events.

They go around the circle, everyone saying something about everyone else and David taking careful note of what everyone says to Matteo. From Hans’s fond, “I appreciate how much you’ve grown this year, my little butterfly” to Linn’s pragmatic, “I love that you go get ingredients for my cooking” and Laura’s sardonic, “I appreciate that you mellow out my dramatic-assed little brother” they’re all tailored to the unique relationship Matteo has with each one and David has to smile. It seems to be working the way he’d wanted it to. Even the more comical versions from Carlos and Abdi fit and David can see the way these things are making Matteo feel. He’s calmer, relaxed against the wall rather than tense, and he’s snuggled more into David’s side now.

Then it’s  _ his _ turn. Weirdly, David finds he’s shaking. He knows everyone here loves him in some way or form, and indeed most of them have already expressed that, and yet it’s overwhelming looking into the eyes of each of them and telling them the things he appreciates about each. It hits home in a way things seldom do that David has a circle and friends and love. That  _ he’s _ benefitting from this experience as much as Matteo is. 

Taking a breath, David turns first to Laura and chokes out something ridiculously sappy about how much he appreciates her being there for him when he’d moved schools. Then Jonas and his unwavering kindness ever since they met and his passion for important issues, Abdi’s quiet comradeship, Carlos’s caring nature, Hanna’s support and on through everyone until he finally turns to Matteo standing next to him. David’s been preparing this, knew it was coming and yet when he’s faced with this boy he’s fallen in love with all those prepared words just disappear and he steps into a hug.

Matteo’s arms come around him as if he senses how much David is feeling, and when he takes a step back and feels the wet coolness on his cheeks David smiles. “I appreciate so much about you,” he says. “But most of all I appreciate how well you get me, and the selfless way you give me everything I need.”

It’s inadequate, he knows, but it’s the pure truth. There’s so much he could say, it could take years to say it all, but at the heart of it what he loves most about Matteo is  _ this. _ That he gives everything of himself to make David happy. In his wretchedest and most annoying stages, in his quieter and most vulnerable ones, in his caring and most loving ones, the one thing Matteo always constantly has at his core is how well he knows David and everything he needs.

Embarrassingly, David thinks he might even cry. The emotions are so close to the surface and he’s feeling so fragile and vulnerable because of it that he knows it wouldn’t take much. So when Matteo starts his own list of what he appreciates about everyone, his voice shaking and his fingers tight in David’s own for reassurance, it takes everything David possesses to avoid letting any fall. He barely registers any of the things Matteo says to anyone else, but he knows the depth of love that it comes from. That’s plain in the tone of his voice and the way he speaks.

Than Matteo turns to David and his smile goes wicked. “I really appreciate how shitty your pranks are,” he says. “It makes mine looks much cooler by comparison.”

Snorting through his startled burst of laughter, the tears he’s holding back still not quite falling, David kicks out at him. “I’m just taking pity on you,” he says. “If I really tried they’d fool you every time.”

The look he gets in return is filled with amusement and a tender tolerance of the fabrication. David can almost see the  _ keep telling yourself that _ in his eyes, but then Matteo’s expression shifts. He steps forward and wraps his arms around David, and whispers, “I don’t want to say it in front of everyone but I just appreciate meeting you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me.”

David hugs him back, feeling the sting of tears again. Which… this is a fucking joke. He’s never been a crier, but he’s so close now. “I love you,” he says in return and feels Matteo’s arms tighten just a little bit before he releases him and steps back to look over at his mother.

“Mama,” he says. “I appreciate that I got to get to know you better lately. You’re super cool and I never realised that too much before.”

She’s been standing back and watching things for the most part. Those who know her had managed to say something, and they’d included her as much as they could, but they really had invited her so she could be here for Matteo during this part. When he speaks, she moves just as they’d asked her to. She makes her way to Matteo’s side and takes him in her arms. David can see the emotion on her face as well as Matteo’s. He knows it’s meant a lot to both of them that she’s been better and they’ve been able to reconnect. 

As if to emphasise that point she keeps one arm firmly around Matteo’s shoulders as she looks around at everyone else. “I’m not great at speeches,” she says. “And I don’t really know many of you, but what I appreciate about you all is how lovely this has been. It’s a very sweet tradition, Hans, and I hope you keep doing it.” She looks over at Jonas. “Thank you for being there for my boy. He told me what you’ve done for him when he was feeling low.” 

She smiles at Matteo as he squirms by her side. “You have to expect this, my baby. This is what mother’s are here for: embarrassment.” She kisses his temple and he smiles even as his face turns a bright red. “David,” she adds turning in his direction. “I’ve seen how you care for him too, and I appreciate everything you do. You gave him back happiness and light.”

He shakes his head, but she drags him into a hug now too, pressing him against Matteo in the process. “I mean it,” she adds quietly so just the two of them can hear her. “You two are good to each other and I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful that is, and how important. Keep hold of it as long as you can.”

To Matteo she just whispers something David can’t hear even though he’s so close. It’s obvious that whatever that was she wanted it to be just between the two of them. He doesn’t need to hear it, and when he looks over at Jonas he can tell that he doesn’t need to hear it either. Wanting to give Matteo and his mother some privacy under the cover of activity, David carefully makes his way over to Hans.

“It was nice, yes?” Hans asks, and there’s a small note of uncertainty in his voice. David just nods, feels his emotions settling now but still filled with a warm glow. 

“It was lovely,” he agrees. “Just like Matteo’s mother said, I know we did this for a reason this year but I hope we do carry on. It was… nicer than I expected for me too.”

“Yeah, me too,” Hans says before Jonas comes up behind them and drapes his arms around their shoulders.

“Time for candle lighting, I think,” he says, nodding in the direction where Matteo and his mother are embracing.

Hans takes the hint and claps his hands once loudly to gain everyone’s attention. “Now that we’re all done with our appreciation society,” he says cheerfully, “it’s time to light the final candle of advent.”

He makes a show of it, deliberately lighting every candle as slowly and dramatically as he can. By the time he’s done the tone has moved again. The warm happy feeling remains, everyone looking a little bit calmer and a little bit happier than they had earlier, but the solemnity of the words they’d been saying has slipped into something just as reverent but more casual. 

“There we are, everyone,” Hans announces when he’s lit the final candle. “A homemade Christmas wreath for our homemade family.”

He beams out at them all again, and David looks over at Matteo again to see how he’s taking this. He’s leaning his head on his mother’s shoulder but he’s watching everyone else with a relaxed and happy smile.

“What do you think of our new traditions now?” David asks when he goes back over to where he’s standing.

“I like it,” Matteo says, looking at the tree again. Someone has flicked the lights on and it’s suddenly twinkling, and the effect of those lights along with the candles means that everything seems brighter. It’s an apt metaphor for the year they’ve just had, David thinks, feeling the emotions creeping back in. Matteo echoes his thoughts. 

“Sometimes something new can be pretty special.”

The way he’s looking at David lets him know  _ exactly _ what he meant, that the year has brought a lot of wonderful new things, some of which they just shared in the circle and some of which were more nebulous. He’s right. This year David started out with some old fears and worries, and he’s ending it with some pretty amazing new things. A boyfriend. Friends who accept him exactly as he is. A newfound family. Everything that’s true for Matteo is true for  _ him _ as well. They started this whole plan as a way to help Matteo see the good things the season has to offer, but in the end David feels like he’s gained at least as much.


End file.
